A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, and he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry.

He looked up from the page and said to her, “Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?”

She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied, “Oh, yeah? Prove it.”

He frowned for a moment, then said, “Okay.”

He got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About a half hour later, he returned all tired and sweaty and proclaimed, “Well, I’m sure the cow and sheep didn’t, but the way that pig is always squealing, how can I tell?”

Q. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.

A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager came and unplugged it. Thank Goodness for heroes!

There was a famous jockey that never lost a race. When

asked how he achieved this, he replied, I whisper in

the horse’s ear: Roses are red, violets are blue.

Horses that lose are made into glue.

I fucked a dog sucking Kate. I fucked a dog,
he fucked me, and she sucked a dog.

More Reasons Why You Should Fuck Animals

You don’t have to spend a fortune buying that diamond ring only to find out that the bitch had already hooked up with the richest guy in the block.

They are open about having multiple partners.

You don’t have to rush to the nearest drugstore late at night to buy a condom.

Sex is better between friends. Who better than Man’s best friend for that matter?

They don’t transmit sexually transmitted diseases.

They don’t get squimish if you want the sex dirty.

They don’t care much about where you fucked them.

They don’t charge you by the hour when fucking them.

Exotic breeds are always affordable and available at the pet shop.

They won’t drive you away by asking, “When are you gonna marry me?”

Here are some of my reasons why nonhuman sex is better than human sex. Feel free to add some of your own if you like. The whole thought sent me laughing my head off. Read and enjoy.

Some Reasons Why Having Sex With Animals is Better than Sex with other Humans

1. You don’t have to pay them first.

2. YOUR size doesn’t matter to them.

3. You don’t have to treat them to a candlelight dinner first or buy them chocolates.

4. You don’t have to waste your bloody time on foreplay first. You can fuck them right away.

5. No one can sue you for rape or child abuse.

6. They won’t blab if you ejaculate prematurely.

7. You don’t GET AIDS.

8. Menstration doesn’t apply to their females.

9. It doesn’t matter if you chain while having sex.

10. You can’t get the other party pregnant.

Hey! I got ya another one. Enjoy!!!

Sarah suck a sucked-hot sash sheep
that sucked of hot-sucked sheep
as the sunshine shone
on the side of the sucked-hot sheep shed.

I got ya another one!!! Enjoy!!!

How much of you would a woodchuck fuck
if a woodchuck could fuck you?
A woodchuck would fuck, he would, as much as he could,
and fuck as much you as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could fuck you.

Return of the Bestial Sexually Slanted Lines

Read it and laugh your hearts out..

More Bestial Sexually Slanted Lines

So what were you and Buster(the dog) doing alone in the woods at THAT time of the night? (As IF we DIDN’T already guessed….)

Here pussy, pussy. Wanna come out and play?

Can I join you in taking Rover out for a walk?

What exactly will we do in a petting zoo, Honey?

Dog damn it!!! I suck!!! I suck!!!

Hot Dogs!!! Get yer Hot Dogs here!!! Large and juicy Hot…..Dogs!!!

Girl: I want a horse for my Birthday!
Dad: What will you do with a horse?
Girl(Pauses for a moment): Ride on it?

Whoa! That elephant is HUGE!

It was a dogday afternoon.

And last but not the least bestial sexually slanted line (drum roll please)….

Fucking horse….!!! He SUCKS!!!!

And here’s another one for you to enjoy!!!!

I cannot bear to see a man of Nowhere
Banging down upon a mare.
When bare of wear he fucks the mare,
Right there I cry, “Forbear!”